Utility Muffin Research Kitchen


  MLS Builds   MLS Builds

There seems to be some doubt about how to distinguish between some MLS artefacts (particularly, ‘builds’). In an effort to clear this up for you, here is a simple set of definitions: just follow these and everything will be clear......

final     the definition of this is absolute: it always  means ‘last ’. What could be simpler or more unequivocal? Just hang on to this concept and everything is downhill from here!
final final     the last final
final final final     positively the last final
penultimate final     the one before the last
final penultimate     the last one before the last

last     ...now, the English language is pretty clear on the two possibilities here and I’m sure you’re already aware of the differences and use them every day. Just keep in mind the importance of ‘time’ relative to the artefact qualified by this term: specifically, the ‘last build’ is either the one you last did (that is, in the past) or the last one you’re going to do (that is, in the future). So this term means ‘something that’s happened’ or ‘something that hasn’t’: now that’s what I call a really powerful descriptor - it covers so many somethings! Great!

last final     see ‘last’ & ‘final’

I-just-can’t-believe-it’s-not-final     what the final inevitably becomes after it becomes the penultimate final

patch      the build that should have been final


LAPD     a Layer 2 protocol named after the Los Angeles Police Department who administer the surveillance of all messages between BTS and BSC. Surveillance on this scale is, of course, horrendously expensive, so the only publicly-funded bodies which can afford this kind of exercise nowadays are Californian. [note: attempts to duplicate this effort in the former Soviet Union are now regarded as the single most significant contributory factor in the economic collapse of that country.]   Historically, this activity did actually start in this geographic area. It began in the 1940s and was driven by an obsessive interest in the movie stars of the period. It involved physically 'listening in' to phone lines in the Beverly Hills area by a local organisation attached to the Hollywood Sheriff's Office. (see HDLC)

HDLC     the Hollywood & District Listening Committee; originally, a benign gossip-obsessed collection of movie fans. Subverted in the 1950s by McCarthyite politicians who inserted malicious misinformation on individuals in order to 'frame' them before the Senate Investigation Committees.

  ManagementSpeak   ManagementSpeak

"To grow at the level we’re targeting we must all be obsessively connected and aligned with what our customers require for their success." "We effectively addressed operating model issues and, ..., successfully completed Phase I of the company and embarked upon Phase II." "We are number one. But we want to do even better..." ".....she helped integrate a geographically diverse organization and resolved conflicting goals and charters that were the byproduct of a recent merger between X Corp and Y Corp." "Our focus moving forward is to continue to fully fund the growth initiatives in the business units and world-wide sales team so that we can accelerate growth and leverage our operating model." "The meeting with the European Field went very well. X, VP of Y organization, attended this meeting and provided great leadership in gaining alignment on several sticky issues. The biggest of these was gaining alignment on Z Corp." "They posted operating profit of 8.3% in comparison to losses one year ago. Their transformation continues and I appreciate the tough choices they continue to make to position themselves to win." "Enablement will be a key focus for us as we move forward." "Building mindshare and selling clients on X Corp's entire value is an absolute necessity." "We expect and are committed to maintain the synergies between X and Y, including an aligned probe strategy and additional R&D leverage of shared components, taking advantage of the intimacy in the Z labs to succeed with the operators, and leveraging sales, support, and services across the value chain."

  EngineerBollockSpeak   EngineerBollockSpeak

"With hindsight we know that this software module was misnamed: so, the meaning of the name has been changed to something that makes sense now." "We collected all the standalone patches together and put them in one, big standalone patch." "You make this simple one-line change... ...and it should all just work"

It's an unwritten rule of Marketing that the person given the job of disseminating information should be the individual 1) with the least feeling for, or knowledge of, language, 2) who finds currently-fashionable buzzwords an adequate (and indeed impressive) alternative for saying what you mean, and 3) for whom 'making sense' has always been an optional aspiration. For the rest of you, here are some translations -

  Making jam from the low-hanging fruit   Making jam from the low-hanging fruit

"...will transition into her new role..." start
"facilitate" do
"leverage" do
"..have a passion for.." do
"synergy" just about anything other than its true meaning
"remarketing" doing the stuff that the Marketing Dept cocked up first time around

Luckily there are always the reassuring timeless gems to guide us, and by which we can live stress-free lives.

  Sense   Sense

"There is no problem so huge, so complex or so mind-fuckingly bizarre that it can't be run away from."
"It's terbly, terbly portant to nunciate"